i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
