That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
