I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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