Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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