The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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