RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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