Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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