Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have demons in me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
