I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
