it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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