I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
