We named our party play list daddy issues
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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