D3 body, D1 cock
I met the friendliest cop last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
