he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
