if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
