Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He passed out mid-signature
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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