cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
