Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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