If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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