Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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