we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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