I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
