please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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