uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The feeling are messing with the penis
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
