If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
