Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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