Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i came on her dog
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
