do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Enjoy the penises
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
