Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
