6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
