Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
