I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
