I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
