Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
