I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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