you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
