Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
