So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
