i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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