Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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