I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
