i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
