Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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