I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize