after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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