Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
