just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
