Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
