Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
