I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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