Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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