We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
