YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
