meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
