I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
