saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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