we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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