Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
