Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
