If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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