I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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