he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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