i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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