Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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