tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
