Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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