made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
