Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
