I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
