im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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