I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
