i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
