Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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