you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
