Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
